First time I heard his song 'Crap Shag'.



Life An in-situ production of Henry IV, Part One which ended in what seemed like the square where all the winos lived and when one of the characters died, one of the tramps approaching him and giving him a kick and asking 'Is he dead?' and the bloke playing Falstaff IN CHARACTER trying to pay the bloke to leave us alone in pennies.

Seeing a production of The Crucible in front of a set which looked like it had been painted by a nursery school in which the lead actor had been taken ill and the director read in his role from the text, him being apprently being replaced in the role of a pensioner by a sixteen year old, with the audience slowly walking out but a core ten of us sticking it out to the bitter end.

Arguing with a stand up comic during his rubbish show (he spent a good five minutes of it insulting the obvious critic) about the number of Police Academy films there were. Never before and since have I found myself bellowing the words Mission To Moscow at midnight.

Pitching up for a mostly nude midnight performance of the musical Hair and find an audience filled with families. Leaving the theatre and literally bumping into a post-Shooting Stars, pre-Little Britain Matt Lucas dressed as a pink bunny rabbit, removing the head and saying 'Fuck me, it's hot in here...'

Seeing A Comedy of Errors for the first time, in a production which was imagined as being in a lunatic asylum so the actors all hung around in a cage and the lookalikes were achieved by having the same actors offering the dialogue as though they had a split personality and having no idea what was going on from about ten minutes in.

Seeing Mitch Benn who I went to school with for the first time in ten years and unsuccessfully trying to get myself invited to the after show party. I've seen him since, now and then, and he only seems to recognise me 50% of the time. First time I heard his song 'Crap Shag'.

My second favourite production of Measure for Measure was at Edinburgh. It was in the intimate atmosphere of the C venue, with a tiny stage area and small cast. One of the few I've seen that's understood the tragedy and scent of fear which pervades the piece and that convincingly explained why The Duke would disappear amongst the populace in disguise.

Watching the first The X-Files film on the opening night sitting between two fan girls in Scully t-shirts at the back of the main screen at one of the Odeons only subsequently realising that I was there so that they would concentrate on the film rather than each other. Watching The Avengers film alone in another screen later in the week, realising that it was a bit shit.

Another midnight show, this time featuring two women pretending to be transvestites being women. Clearly it was supposed to be a feminist statement and the singing was good, but most of the audience (which included three men dressed a vikings) sat suitably confused.

Attending a performed script reading at the Filmhouse Cinema for a film called Bad Blood introduced by Tim Roth. I maintain that David Tennant was also there, but that could be just my memory playing tricks. Taggart's Bythe Duff definitely played an old vampire though. I was late, but managed to buy a ticket from someone outside and ended up sitting on the front row. In my Trainspotting t-shirt. Which might have been a bit distracting for Kelly MacDonald who was sitting directly in front of me and playing the lead role. I hadn't meant to. I didn't even know she was going to be there. I don't think the film was made in the end.

Ten years ago this week, I was at the Edinburgh Festival. With perhaps the exception of Paris, it was the best holiday I've ever had, simply because every day was different, nothing was prearranged, and I genuinely felt like I belonged. It has been on my mind as it always is every year and when I mentioned it to a friend whose moved to the city lately in an email, I began a stream of memories and I actually had to stop myself from writing for hours ...

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